Are you A control freak?
While working on this post, I figured out just how much I need to be in control of things. It’s rather hard not to be; in such a demanding, fast paced, and tech savvy world. I can’t even remember what it was like to not have a cell phone or laptop at my side day and night. I find myself constantly checking my cell to see what I've missed or who needs me at this very moment. I hold onto it as closely as I used to hold my babies before they were walking. Funny thing is these new babies many times annoy, frustrate, and interrupt my current state of peacefulness. In a world of instant gratification and "I gotta have it now and the latest version I might add!" When do we have time to reflect, become more self aware and actualized as a person? I suffer with this fact not only due to time and the demands of each day but because I need to be in control; in control of my house, my kids, my practices, my marriage, and anything else. Most of the time I'm exhausted and totally on pins and needles with worry; thinking everything will blow up in my face. However, deep inside I know too well the joy and pride of feeling I can handle all of it. It almost... no it does give us superwomen bragging rights. "I'm so tired; today I did this and that and still got all of this done!" Many of us have bought into the belief that it will only get done if we do it!
There are even times I'm jealous of my husband's ability to relax and let loose, thinking to myself "he has no idea how much I'm doing and how tired I am." Well, when I'm honest with myself, I know the truth. The truth I tell my clients and my girlfriends when they are struggling with having it all and juggling it all. My personal boundaries are poor and insufficiently designed due to my need to be in control; needing to feel powerful, special, and successful in managing my life. Well, after a long look at myself and taking personal inventory, I decided to find a way to release these compulsive habits. What does adequate self care actually look like and how does one begin to "let loose"?
Often, in therapy sessions I give clients a self care inventory survey. This survey details six areas of a person’s level of self care. The areas in which most people, including myself need improvement are: emotional, physical, and spiritual self care. Now as I write this I cringe at the thought of my current neglect with my emotional self care. Yes, me, the therapist, admits at times I'm too busy assisting others to care for myself. So, here is what we should do to stop Compulsive Controlling Habits.
1. Notice what triggers you to act, feel, and respond.
2. Realize... by making yourself stop in silence, do not react just notice what happens, and understand some habits are not good for you!
3. Adjust and reassess your reactions....be deliberate in your responses.
4. Remember it takes time to change but be consistent until you find it.
These shifts in perception and habits can allow one to let go of the need to be in control. It may seem difficult at first, but remember practice makes perfect. I hope this post offers insight and solutions to your needs to control every aspect of your life. Stay plugged in as I continue to shed light and insight in the world of making transitions peaceful and obtainable. My goal is to help you #BEBRILLIANTLYU!!!
Kisses, Dr. Torre